The Things That Aren't Said

EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY

Two chairs stand empty. A first man approaches one of the chairs and sits. A few moments pass and another man sits in the chair across from him. 

SECOND MAN

Thanks for coming back.

The first man nods his head. 

SECOND MAN

Our time is limited so I’d like to jump right in. 

FIRST MAN

Sure. 

SECOND MAN

Last we spoke the predominant thoughts in your mind were that of loneliness. Is that still true?

FIRST MAN

I believe so.

(A beat)

Although, It’s not a feeling of being alone but that people don’t care and because of that I feel alone around people. I understand that people do care, but I can’t change how I feel.

SECOND MAN

Could you identify an action or experience that brings those feelings to the front of your perception?


A pause.

FIRST MAN

Not necessarily. Sometimes it comes about randomly. It can be small things that others don’t think about. I think on top of that I can feel like I shouldn’t feel alone. I feel weak and like less of a person because I feel the need to be around others. Why should I feel weak for wanting to feel love and be happy though? 

SECOND MAN

Why do you feel weak?

FIRST MAN

I think there’s a strong push to be happy on your own in our society. So, I ponder why I can’t do that and I feel like I’m below those that can.

SECOND MAN

Do you feel it’s appropriate to tie your feelings of loneliness back to those that have left you?

FIRST MAN

I think that could be a jumping off point for it. 

SECOND MAN

Is part of the loneliness you feel over her being gone?

FIRST MAN

No. I’ve moved past her as a person but I don’t know if I’ll ever move past the actions she took. It shaped my entire life. I’ll always have my daughter but I’ll never fully be in her life. I don’t get to tell her goodnight every night and I don’t get to see her smile every day. 

SECOND MAN

Do you blame her mom for that?

FIRST MAN

No, I blame myself. The actions I took and words I spoke led to that.

SECOND MAN

Someone could say the opposite and say her actions led to that result. 

FIRST MAN

Who’s someone? I’m the father. If I’m not in my child’s life fully it’s always my fault.

SECOND MAN

Do you believe you perceive it that way because that’s the pervasive thought in society?

FIRST MAN

It’s just how I feel.

A pause.

SECOND MAN

Do you blame your daughter for part of the loneliness you feel?

FIRST MAN

I don’t blame her, I blame the circumstances though. I think often on all of the opportunities and life events that have passed because I have her. But, I wouldn’t trade that time.

SECOND MAN

So you feel partial acceptance but there are thoughts that deny that.

FIRST MAN

Yes. 

SECOND MAN

Do you believe you would feel happy if you could fully accept your own life?

FIRST MAN

Well that’s the definition of being content no?

SECOND MAN

I asked if you would feel happy. 

A pause. 

FIRST MAN

I don’t know.

SECOND MAN

Happiness and contentment are easily separated and often not interchangeable. When was the last time you felt happy?

FIRST MAN

Today. 

SECOND MAN

When did you last feel content?

FIRST MAN

Probably 13 years ago when I didn’t know any better. 

SECOND MAN

And your suicidal thoughts began around then as well correct?

FIRST MAN

Yes. 

SECOND MAN

Have they still been affecting you?

FIRST MAN

Yes. But, I don’t give credence to them anymore in a physical sense. I would never do it right now, but if there was a way to make everyone forget me, if when I went there was no pain or grief, I would kill myself today. 

SECOND MAN

Why?

FIRST MAN

I think on a base sense I don’t value my own life experience. 

SECOND MAN

Why?

FIRST MAN

If I had that answer I wouldn’t be talking to you and I would be just like everyone else. 

SECOND MAN

You’re more like everyone else than you like to admit. If you weren’t I wouldn’t have a job.

A pause.

FIRST MAN

My goal isn’t to be like others. 

SECOND MAN

And what is your goal in life?

FIRST MAN

I’ve always told myself that in many senses of the phrase I want to make people feel, and the more people I can effect the better. But, there’s another part of me that just wants to make those around me feel and enrich their lives. 

SECOND MAN

You feel like you can’t achieve both?

FIRST MAN

I feel like neither will ever be fully realized. That’s how I feel about my life as a whole. I feel half of a father, half of a friend, half of a person. I have no devotion to a singular thing in my life and I feel worse of a person because of that.

SECOND MAN

Why?

FIRST MAN

I feel like I’m not doing any one thing in my life well enough. I feel like a failure. 

A pause. The second man looks to his right. 

SECOND MAN

Our time is up. 

The first man looks across and the second man has disappeared. 

The first man rests for a moment before standing from his chair and walking away. 

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